even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
