Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
