there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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