so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
