If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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