Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
