he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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