Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
