I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
