I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
