The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
