She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, beer. Big fan.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
