DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A bitchslap is in order.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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