My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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