once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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