Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
