I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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