You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
