Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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