North Korea, Best Korea!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
