i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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