Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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