it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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