stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I deserve this hangover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
