omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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