I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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