her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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