You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
