Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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