I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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