Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
