He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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