I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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