wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and you said cock pushups were impossible
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
