so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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