I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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