chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
