I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
