I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
