I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
