i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
