ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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