I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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