I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
