She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
