It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
