I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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