and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
