My liver just broke up with me...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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