evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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